on ‘hurt’
November 22nd, 2006
saulismOur culture confuses and blends together the distinct elements of ‘hurt’: harm, pain, and suffering.
“He hurt Janet” can have several different meanings:
“He harmed Janet.”
‘Harm’ means damage, whether physical or psychological. Janet may not be able to function normally until the damage is healed.
“He caused Janet pain.”
‘Pain’ is simply a sensation, like hot or wet. Pain often means that harm is close to follow, or has already passed; but also often, pain is a side effect of [positive] change, like growth. Janet might even seek pain for [sexual] pleasure.
“He caused Janet much suffering.”
‘Suffering’ is the result of cognitive distress or dissonance. Suffering comes from attachment, which is inevitable, and in a civilized society is almost always the sufferer’s own. Janet may have manufactured a million little desires which repeatedly went unfulfilled, or maybe she was born with two opposing attachments that she pursued with equal fervor.
Janet unfortunately may not be able to avoid harm; she may even desire pain. But she should know that her suffering comes from within herself alone. She should not struggle to avoid suffering, but to cultivate an awareness of its inevitability and a comfort in its validation of her existence.
“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.” — Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
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